Take one passing glance at the news. Chances are, you’ve heard that Republican candidate John “McKickin’ Ass” McCain will be going against Islamic terrorist Democrat Barack Obama.
Some of you more faithful reader(s) may remember how little faith I had in senator Obama. Well, today I eat those words. I actually thought it would be Hilary Clinton versus John McCain. After awhile, though, I realized: Obama was here to stay. His charismatic personality, combined with his lack of being George Bush, helped to propel him into very possibly being the next man to run this great country.
It’s also clear from my blogs that I very much supported McCain from the start of his campaign. I loved many of the issues he took a stance on, and I still do like some of them. However, my lack of war-love these days, combined with a recent decision he made, has persuaded me to join the Obamacans: A cell of Republicans who intend to vote for Obama. What decision was that you ask? I’m sure the same one that made many people doubt McCain’s decision making abilities: Sarah Palin. To have chosen such an obvious ‘look, I’m cool too!’ candidate is sickening. Throw in she has no real experience, and can’t go more than three words without blurting ‘maverick’, and you’ve got a nice cyanide pill for your presidential campaign. The fact this woman could very likely be the next president, should McCain die in office, is frightening. I’d much rather have Obama, thank you.
I was right, though, banking on his skin color didn’t get Obama far: his charm and issues did. I’m not going to get into issues, though, because that’s not why I changed my vote from McCain to Obama. It’s because of Palin. That’s really the biggest reason.
I’ll write up something after the votes have been tallied.
In my twenty or so years on this earth, I thought I had seen everything horror movies could throw at me. I’ve seen a vengeful, mask-clad boy slaughter nubile teens while they romped like bunnies. People turning into zombies after smoking pot? Check. Wilford Brimley infected by the Thing? Seen it. Man getting his junk bitten off by a rabid sheep? Wish I could forget it.
Apparently, though, there was one thing I didn’t expect. One thing that caught me so off-guard, I didn’t know whether to fight or flee.
*****
It’s October, the month of Halloween, when horror movies haunt the television waves and ghost stories surround the fire. As I’ve grown older, I’ve seen Halloween being downplayed, and the sacred rite of trick-or-treating taking a nose dive. Never will my children experience the same sensations I had: The cool fall breeze nipping your bodies; leaves falling and crackling along the street; One of the first truly dark nights of the year, when even the sun turns tail and hides early; The sound of laughter in a usually dead street, as you, no more than six or seven, dash from house to house, stopping every other home to straighten your Michael Myers’ mask and check your loot. And then, going home to drink hot chocolate and watch Pumpkinhead.
Halloween was the one time of the year I could be more than that short kid with the glasses. I could be a spook, a creature of sheer intimidation and power. We all grow older, though, and trick-or-treating must cease. Not that I particularly liked the candy (I gave most of it way), but the costume and the atmosphere left me euphoric.
On my fifteenth birthday, I promised I would never let Halloween die in my heart. Instead of trick-or-treating, I make some Watergate Salad, put on some popcorn and usually bake a pizza. All prepared, I sit down with a stack of horror movies and watch… Just watch. From classic to campy, the selection is as varied as the food I have before me. Last year included favorites such as Psycho, Lost Boys, Troll 2 and Zombiegeddon.
Cue October 1, 2008, when I was in my local video store purchasing my own copy of Cemetery Man. I had seen it before years ago, and loved it. Where would I place this in my marathon of films? The drone behind the counter greeted me, and I gave him a casual tip of my fedora. I was on top of the world
“Cemetery Man?” He asked, eyebrows above his thick glasses in surprise. “Good choice.” With a chuckle, I let him scan it… and then found myself blindsided. “Are you seventeen or older?”
I paused, and offered him my money, unsure how to respond.
“Are you seventeen or older?” he reiterated, annoyance creeping into his voice.
It took me a silent, awkward moment longer to recover. I helplessly gestured to my full manbeard, as if that should be proof enough. The clerk was not amused. “Y-yes.” I stammered, finally finding my voice.
“Can you prove that?”
I hesitated again, and then reluctantly turned my wallet around to show the clerk my driver’s license. June 1, 1988. Damn right I was seventeen or older. The clerk went on checking me out, but I felt like I had just been castrated, had my beard shaved and had my glasses smashed. That man doubted my adulthood, and had emasculated me publicly.
Ever since I was fourteen, I’ve had a manbeard - A beard that made me look so adult that I was able to get into 'age 17+'-only movies. You need your mommy to be there when you bought Resident Evil IV? I didn’t. I simply smiled, and paid.
So, there I stood, actually beyond the required age limit, and my beard was no longer all the proof of age I needed. Are kids wearing more beards these days? Has my beard forsaken me? My beloved horror films had sprung one more cheap surprise on me, but this time, it wasn't on the otherside of a television screen.
Well, from now on, I'll primarily be sticking to movie reviews, and re-writing my previous reviews. I'll still leave some news/political commentary blogs up, as well as the lone zombie report, and "Getting The Girl" series.
But. I'll mostly focus on movie reviews, aka "Box Office Blues"
I'm gonna be serious with you guys for a second: I never liked Rudy Giuliani. I have repeatedly said was a "liberal in conservative's clothing". Well, Florida Primary results are in: Giuliani, who was depending on Florida for his campaign, came in a distant third. Wha'sat I hear? Sorry, That must've been Old Rudy being stomped by the BFG. And who is holding that BFG? Why none other than my man, John "McKickin' Ass" McCain.
Uber Pwnage (thecylinder.files.wordpress.com, altered by poster)
But, as much as I dislike Rudy's policies, I have to admire his style. Reports say that he is to no only drop out of the race, but he is also going to support John McCain, and give him his endorsement. As the primaries come in, Republicans are dropping like flies. Just the other day, Fred Thompson's campaign fell through. His sneak attack to win the confused Republican voters failed when his AB was much to low to get passed the AC of the current front runners. Plus, venerable people get a -3 penalty to all physical-abilities, and no matter how obscenely high a charisma score his wife had, he still came off as some creepy old guy who, to be frank, never seemed to be the sort I'd want running the country. He just didn't want it enough.
So, with Florida Republican primary results in, the jokes about John McCain's "foolish" bid for president are beginning to fade. The victory of this state is a major boon for the McCain Campaign, solidifying his position as a front runner, which is something I am very happy of. Since I first heard he was running, I have been a silent supporter of the Arizona senator. Who are his major competitors? With Giuliani - a major competitor in the Republican field from the early running - out, that leaves Mitt Romney (who had a 31% of the Florida primary vote, just five behind McCain) and relative newcomer Mike Huckabee (with 12%, just three behind Giuliani). Huckabee will have to have Chuck Norris roundhouse a few thousand people for February 5th, The Tuesday of Destiny.
24 states will be holding either their caucus or primary elections for one or both parties on this legendary day, and I could not call myself a journalist if I missed covering this day, nor could I call myself a political science minor if I missed the results. It will be a day that separates the boys from the men in the election. Hopefully, the McCain train will keep on running. So, I raise my glass and offer a toast to my candidate of choice.
No more diabeetus.(mccain.bravenews.org)
Oh, and he is supported by diabetic, overlord of Oaty goodness and THE celebrity of the NES Rom hacking world - Wilford Brimley.
Mike “God’s Sharpshooter” Huckabee may be in support of “enhanced” interrogation methods. He may be a bit insane some times. But, now it is official: I think I fell in love with the man. Sure, seeing him on the Colbert Report showed me he has a decent sense of humor. But today, I saw a commercial: it is a political ad in favor of Mike Huckabee. It starts off relatively normal, the man looking his most powerful after the obligatory “this is a message” screen. Staring boldly into the camera, with a warrior’s gleam in his eyes, he dramatically speaks to the viewer. “My Plan to secure the border?” Oh brother. Not another one of these things again… I guess I’m going to go grab a beer. Wait, what was that?
“Two words.” He states boldly, as the camera switches view, to one with both him and a bearded man at his right. He turns to us, his viewers, knowing he has our attention. The man at his side is staring us down in barely-contained kill rage. Our jaws drop slightly, as the Arkansas Governor finishes with his heavily enunciated answer.
“Chuck. Norris.”
Close up, red tint of the man’s face, the man who’s internet meme has launched him to be a human legend. Walker Texas Ranger. The iconic vision of this fictional hero, standing in duster and cowboy hat, before the sunset, rifle in hand, fearlessly staring off into the distance, floods into my head. This man singlehandedly motivated me not only to wear a duster in the winter, but also to grow a beard and remain in the great state of Texas. An autographed black and white photo of this celebrity hangs on my wall from my karate days. My mom served him chili con queso once. I liked him before it was cool to do so.
And here he was supporting none other than Mike Huckabee. Cue western-style music. The duo then trade Chuck-Huck facts back and forth with one another. Chuck Norris starts it off, saying a positive thing about Huckabee. He mentions that the governor will protect our second amendment rights, how he wants to put the IRS out of business, and that he is an true conservative (which, frankly, the republicans haven’t really had much of, in my opinion.) And what does Huckabee say in return during this quick, rapid fire exchange? The classics.
“There’s no chin behind Chuck Norris’s beard, only another fist.”
“When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up, [Here, the governor glares at you for thinking that], he is pushing the earth down.
“Chuck Norris doesn’t endorse; he tells America how it’s going to be.”
With a breath of relief, Huckabee informs us he, and Chuck Norris, approved this message. And then, in a stunning act of horror, Norris punches at us, a freeze frame and red tint are applied, as the words “Chuck Norris Approved” flashes across the screen. Who knows if the camera man survived…
After this amazing, arguably arousing commercial, one has to wonder… Since Chuck Norris does lift himself up when doing a push-up, since there is a chin behind Chuck Norris’s beard, and since Chuck Norris does endorse (The TotalGym, any one?), does that mean that Mike Huckabee Facts are also false?
If not (and I personally don’t think they are), then we can expect Mike Huckabee to join the ranks of American Internet Meme Legends, like Chuck Norris and Mr. T. After all, they need a ranged damage dealer, since both Chuck and Mr. T are melee range characters (if I remember correctly, Walker couldn’t shoot for spit in the series). Guys, you know, I have a high enough intelligence if you ever decide you need an arch-mage. Call me?
Why do I continue to support presidential unlikely John McCain, when so many others (even his campaign managers) have chosen to desert him? Simple. Aside from abortion, and a few other issues, I have a strong stance on usage of torture. John McCain (as well as Ron Paul) were the only candidates to not cry that they support torture, or 'enhanced interrogation methods', which is an admirable stance to take, considering that the rest of the candidates either went soft and took a "maybe" stance on the issue, or roared from the mountain tops that torture was hip, now and wow. And don't kid yourself: waterboarding is torture, plain and simple. No euphemism should be used to cover up something so evil.
I've stated many, many times in my posts how it is important for the United States to remain moral. Not to mention, that it is against our most valued documents that torture is a big no-no. Remember, the term "life, liberty and pursuit of happiness"? Remember, "no cruel and unusual punishment"? These aren't right that are given by the government: remember, these are supposed to be God-given rights, that every person, by simply being a human being, can afford. The whole point of the declaration was that these rights cannot be taken away by any man-made establishment. Thusly, to endorse evil things like torture would be making hypocrites of ourselves, and losing the honor and base our country was founded on. City upon a Hill was a term once used to describe the Puritan colonists in the new world. Years later, this phrase would also be used by Ronald Reagan and other political figures. We raise hell when people else where torture, yes. And people being tortured else where is also wrong. The eyes of the world are upon us - and we should set a decent and moral example, even if our enemies won't.
Like John McCain said: This isn't just about the terrorists. It's about our decency as Americans. I hate to invoke one of my usual phrases here, but, if we're really the "good guys" in this conflict, we should act like it. Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, Mike Huckabee, Fred Thompson and Tom Tancredo have all voiced their support for he use of torture in interrogation - Ron Paul and John McCain both oppose it. Guess which candidates have military service experience?
I've been ranting for awhile now about torture. I'm strongly against it. Not only is it against the fabric of our nation, it is immoral, evil and wrong. We are supposed to respect the dignity of human life, and I guess somewhere along the line, the Republican party forgot about that. I know, the chances are low that John McCain or Ron Paul will win the Republican ticket. And I know I'm just one vote, but let it be known:
I'll vote communist before vote for a candidate that supports the use or torture.
Does anyone know of the tarrasque? It is a terrible, albeit stupid beast, and there's only one of them per a world. Of course, this was a monster in Dungeons and Dragons, and in no way is this in our world... We are cursed to have a much powerful, and far more intelligent tyrant, who wanders his valley, destroying everything and everyone with his peas and corn of evil. This is the monster upon which the tarrasque is based, but was so dark and horrifying that they dare not inject him into a campaign world. Upon coming within a 200 foot radius of this beast, you must roll a save versus fear, or be frightened to the point on instant, permanent death, except by way of a Resurrection or Wish spell.
With golden corn and tender peas...
Have you ever wondered what happened to Atlantis? Sure, they say it never existed, but it is just to hide the truth. The entire population was drowned in a downpour of burning peas and corn, as well as spinning cans. No one was spared, and no one could finish their vegetables. Men, women, children, they were all buried. You would not want to meet this man. Not only would he shank you with his giant corn cob shiv, he would pump you full of .357 magnum peas, and destroy your city, turning it into his own personal valley, where he must live. Though you can try to run, you cannot, for he wears a toga of leaves, and therefore does not take a movement penalty for armor. He is a green menace, and he is colossal...
Yes. It is Evil, brought to you by the Jolly Green Giant.
Name: Conservative Cat Home: Huntsville, Texas, United States About Me: I strive to give a fair and accurate synopsis of films from the Bargain Bin. Good or bad, they're almost always entertaining. See my complete profile
